When People Tell You Who They Are, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME

Words Hold Action

When someone tells you who they are, you must believe them the first time! People will talk to us through their actions! We must listen!

Someone can tell us all day long they love us but do they treat us like someone they love? Are they encouraging, supportive, and kind? Can we rely on them to follow through as a friend, co-worker, lover, wife, husband, sister, brother, mother or father? How do they treat others? I’m learning to watch people more. I listen through their words because OUR WORDS HOLD ACTION. Words inspire, encourage, sooth, transcend, instruct, redirect, teach, and build hope. Words can also hurt and cause pain. Sometimes it’s inevitable to be put in a situation when our words will ultimately hurt and cause pain, (constructive critism), but it’s how we approach those situations is what sets us apart. Those who use words to hurt or cause pain in order to make another feel bad just for the hell of it says a lot of a person’s character. It shows us who they are and we must believe them.

For most of my life I was attracted to individuals who were negative and hurtful. I did this because as a child I was taught that was love. It was only until recently I realized people who treat us badly do not love us like we deserve. I am challenging myself to be surrounded with individuals who encourage, support, follow through, and love themselves as they love. I am challenging myself to be that individual for others and myself as well.

I’m learning to say, “I deserve better.” It’s okay to tell ourselves we deserve better. There’s nothing wrong with having our own backs.

Reference: Oprah-LifeClass

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Change Your Story

What are the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and those inadequacies we’ve hammered in our ‘now’ from our past? My whole life I have told the same story about my past which debilitated my present. It was all ho-hum about a load of bad happenings and a slew of self-destructive behavior which followed. As I went on living in these sagas I would start adding more positive inspiring ends to each but it still was the same story. It was exhausting because I had no new stories to tell, just the same storyline over and over. The more I told myself and others my personal narratives the more it reinforced my negative views about myself. This kept me stuck in the past. I’d write about my life and share it with whomever stumbled upon it. I never realized I was just as addicted to my stories as I was to the many things I used in the past to forget them. The process was my new ‘fix’ after I put all the other fixes in the ground and had nothing left to depend on to remove me from dealing with my life.

I knew this had to change. I had to rewrite my story. When I spoke about my past I needed to change the words to highlight my triumphs and effort to do better. It’s a learned process which takes effort, (As easy as childbirth!), but I’m going to keep trying!

I ask you, how would you change your story? Will you make it what you want it to be? Will you define yourself and not let others define how you feel about yourself? Will you turn the page and create a life for yourself? I know I’m trying the best I can to do better and I am sending out best wishes to anyone who’s taking the same journey of self-discovery!

We all have the power to wake up and be better.

ReferenceOprah’s LifeclassTony RobbinsIyanla Vanzant

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photo by admitchell08

“You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will ooze through and stain your life.

You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”

Iyanla Vanzant

Letting Go of Anger

Letting Go of Anger

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Mission: Stop Smoking-Day One

Day One

So far day one hasn’t been so bad. I’ve been pushing myself really hard at longer waiting periods between drags of my allotted 4 for every day this week. I numbered each individual cigarette for the day on the butt with a pen. I want to make sure I don’t try to bargain with myself after losing count.

I went to the look for a new work shirt and pants and left my cigarettes at home both times. I had to return both items after my first purchase because I’m not very keen on dressing rooms. I did, however, use the dressing rooms during my second trip.

I must say JC Penney’s has much better lighting in its dressing rooms than Kohl’s. I left Kohl’s feeling completely dejected and unattractive. The experience wouldn’t have been so traumatic if five members of the departments staff hadn’t picked outside of my dressing room to gossip about who they like to work with and who they don’t. It was completely uncomfortable to say the least. I was trying to dress very quietly and not draw any attention to my white legs and funny socks.  Honestly, why do dressing rooms have such short doors? Most of your bare legs are showing! There’s no privacy, man.

After I was done getting back into my clothes, I opened the door to see them all standing around me, with sudden fake smiles, while I tried to ease my way through them and leave. One said, as I walked away, “Oh, my gawd did you guys know she was in there?” This made me wonder about the people Kohl’s hires. I could hear them sniffle and gossip, and they didn’t hear me changing my clothes or notice the door shut and locked with my white bare legs and eggshell-white socks pulled up mid-shin beneath the bikini door? Plus, it’s a dressing room, of course there’s a possibility someone might be using it!

Penney’s dressing rooms were not clean, but they had real doors, not teeny-weeny bikini ones. Plus, the lighting was a lot better and didn’t make me look 100 years old. I honestly felt good about myself leaving after a few rounds of hand sanitizer applications on different areas of my person.

Yes, I watch it, so what…

After getting home and finishing dinner with my son, we started watching the ‘Dog the Bounty Hunter‘ marathon on the Bio Channel. It was going all good until some freaky Stop Smoking commercial came on displaying a woman with no hair, teeth, and a big hole in her neck. She was talking like a robot and encouraging people NOT TO SMOKE. My son says to me, “Mom, that could be you if you keep smoking.” I didn’t respond but just sat there twisted into a ball of ‘WTF?’ for awhile. I honestly haven’t touched my 4th cigarette today and it’s 12:29 a.m. I really want to see if I can hold off on smoking it.

I realized more than ever tonight that I can’t fail at this mission. I have to quit. I know I can do this. I know I am capable of putting this addiction/habit away. My son calls it a ‘hab-iction’  so if I refer to it as that from now on, you know it’s not a typo.

I can do this. 

I will do this.

Thanks for reading!

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My 4 Week Plan to Quit Smoking

It’s hard to quit smoking.  You will literally go through the 7 stages of grief during your attempt to quit. Smoking is like a turbulent relationship that you just can’t quit or abusive lover you can’t escape. When you try to quit it, you feel this sense of disconnection from a once close confidant. I’ve tried many times to quit myself, and I go back to that abusive relationship every time.  The whole process makes me feel completely hopeless, thus making my next effort seem like it’s doomed to fail.  I’m tired of smoking and more so tired of quiting. If I could go back to my 15 year old self the first day I smoked a snipe from my mom’s ashtray, I would pull that thing out of my mouth, and say, “You foolish child! You need to love yourself more! You will spend the next 19 years of your life trying to quit!”

With that said, I realize I can’t go back and change things, so now I can move forward and figure out a way to tell myself (in the here and now) that I should love myself more and get out of this nasty relationship for good! I think realizing we cannot travel back in time to change things that have happened to us or things we did to ourselves or others is the first step in forgiving in order to let go. (Thank you Oprah)

Tonight, I took my son to Cold Stone, to sit down and talk with him about my plan to quit smoking. (I’d like to address that an ice cream cone SHOULD NOT cost $13 unless you get to eat it off Jennifer Aniston’s body…) Now, I took him out of the house to break him away from all distraction. He’s always encouraging me to quit, but only when he rarely sees me smoke.  He knows I’ve had a tough time quiting, but hopefully he sees it as me not giving up on something that is important to me. I wanted to let him know to expect me to be a roller coaster of emotions for the next few months, and understand it’ll be worth enduring in the end. I told him I’m doing this to live longer and be a better role model for him when it comes to health. Having my child see me conquer this habit/addiction to nicotine will provide him an example he can use when he’s approached with a difficult challenge to overcome in his future.

A few years ago I switched over to the organic American Spirits. These particular cigarettes do not have any additives or chemicals that most smokers are just as addicted too as the tobacco/nicotine. I had a considerable amount of withdraw from switching over and realized how much I was addicted to the extra’s the tobacco companies put in cigarettes. I also smoke a lot less of American Spirits as compared to other name brands. I go through a pack of Spirits every 3-5 days. They smoke really slow and will go out if you don’t puff on them. I never smoke a cigarrette all the way through so it fit perfectly with me. I’ll take a few puffs and put it out and come back 45 minutes later. They are strictly tobacco/nicotine and I know there is no safe cigarette, but I think this is a better cigarette as compared to other mainstream brands.Or maybe it’s really like the crack version of cigarettes that some suggest.

I don’t smoke at work, around my son, or in my house. I only smoke in the car when my son isn’t with me.

After getting the news 6 months ago, my heart has a glich, I knew within the next year, I’d have to quit this bad medicine for good. Not only that, I’d have to get myself back into shape. This all was and still is somewhat overwhelming. I ended up buying P90X two months ago, and I’ve starred at it ever since I got it in the mail. I did try a few workouts, but didn’t hit it as aggressively as I should have. I might use it as a tool to help me quit but I think I won’t put more added pressure on me to try and conquer that beastly 3 month workout while in the approach of dropping addictive habits.

In the process of quiting it’s been said you have to identify the triggers that cause to you spark up. Some triggers we can’t prevent (stress from work, family, money, etc), but we can change how we react to them. So I need to learn to be proactive instead of reactive.

TRIGGERS:

  • Waking up
  • Coffee
  • Stressful situations: Homeschooling, dogs, arguments with family, work, money, etc
  • Wine
  • Driving
  • After work cigarette
  • After eating
  • After brushing teeth
  • Climax of good movie or show on T.V.
  • Excitement
  • Anxious

I’m sure there’s more but we’ll go with that list for now. Looking at these triggers I have to figure out what I can elimate and or make adjustments too and those I can’t but can change my reaction to.

I have to wake up eventually, and I know for a fact that if I wake up without smoking it makes it a lot easier to quit. Once I’ve smoked I have a hard time not smoking for the rest of the day. Coffee and wine is going to be a tough one because I will always associate coffee with cigarettes. I will have to find a temporary alternative for the first few weeks or months until I feel confident I can integrate them back into my life and divorce their association from smoking.

As I reach my quit date, I’ll have more solutions to dealing with these triggers. Which leads us to my QUIT DATE. I figured that if I started tappering off before my quit date, I’ll be able to handle it better. Here’s my four week plan leading up to my quit day:

  1. 5/18-5/24   4 cigarettes a day
  2. 5/25-5/30  3 cigarettes a day
  3. 5/31-6/7     2 cigarettes a day
  4. 6/8-6/14     1 cigarettes a day

June 15th- QUIT DAY

Maybe finally conquering this obstacle in my life will release a lot of guilt I carry for not being able to get around it before. I feel guilty for hurting myself, honestly. I can’t wait to be separated from that stiffing emotion. We’ll see where the next month takes me and any support or words of encouragement will always be welcomed! Maybe one day I’ll start up a rehab for smokers!

To be continued…

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Einstein, Puddle ol’ Dog Sperm, and Toxic Turdeys

Isn’t he so cute…in pictures!

I have this crazy dog named Einstein. He’s 3 in human years. He’s a Yorkie/Chi-Weenie. He likes to eat poop. Preferably, my other dog, Suzie Q’s poop the day after she’s had a piece of chicken. Einstein will even eat random cat poop. Cat poop is to him what bacon is to humans. I feel very uncomfortable, no slash that, HORRIFIED when he does this. Why, other than the obvious reasons would I be horrified about this, you ask?  Well, because I have to chase him down having a mouthful of animal defecation clamped tightly in his jaws with him unwilling to part with upon my command.

Usually, when I chase him down to pry a random object out of his mouth, (which is usually my son’s legos), it’s not as intimidating as it is when he has a mouthful of animal feces. I don’t know if he thinks I’m trying to steal his “filet mignon” and have all to myself, because he has this look in his eye that seems to say, “This is mine shite, get your own!”  (I picture him saying that in an Irish accent, by the way)

I usually have to find a stick and pry the poo out through his clinged teeth like one would if they’re trying to get it off the bottom of their shoe. So, anyway, as my efforts to get it out of his mouth continue on it becomes harder because the yellow submarines have turned into butt drool from his saliva. (gross!)

After these experiences it’s become a major paranoia with him giving kisses to my son or myself, now. All I see is soggie dog poo over his tongue and become horror-struck. My son is a lot more easy going about this and doesn’t notice him giving him random kisses as being ‘gross’ but just giggles like a boy getting loved on by his dog. I watch in disguist and usually have to break up the happy occasion by yelling out like I have touretts, “Dog poop!” or “Cat poop!” depending on which was the last one we witnessed him eating.

Einstein is so enamored by Suzie Q that he will drink her pee as she’s peeing. He actually licks at it like he would a dripping faucet. When she’s finished and moves along he’ll stick around to continue giving the puddle of pee sensual licks like he’s making love to it.  I observe this from afar with a troubled disposition. I’m learning to pick my battles with this dog. It hasn’t been easy. I wonder why he can’t be more like Suzie Q. I realize she’s female and he’s male and that in itself says everything.

Suzie has had her, oh-my-god-what-is-she-doing gross moments as well. Not a lot, but a few. She likes to rub her face in bird poop she finds on the sidewalks during our walks. My good friend Paige says Suzie might think it’s like perfume. After she said this, I pictured women excitedly rubbing their favorite perfume on their necks from samples they find in magazines to help me understand Suzie’s reasoning for doing something so repulsive. Suzie does act just as excited when she stumbles upon bird poop as women do when they find their favorite perfume samples in magazines! She will also do this with my son’s dirty underwear he leaves on the bathroom floor after a shower. I suppose she wants to smell pretty. (Sigh…)

I’m trying to learn the ways of dogs as I am raising them. I really love both of my dogs, but I have more of a fondness toward Suzie Q. I suppose it’s because she doesn’t drive me nuts. She’s very laid back and she listens and minds me better than my child or Einstein put together. It’s really refreshing. (REFRESSSSING!)

I do love Einstein but not sure at the moment if I like him. I kid, but I think I’ll like him a lot more after he gets fixed tomorrow morning. I am a little anxious about this because he’s NEVER spent a day away from me since he came to us as a puppy. It’s a little more relieving he’ll be returning to us tomorrow night without his testicles, though. I don’t think I could good through another holiday with him vigorously humping the air and blowing his wad all over my family’s feet after we’ve given thanks and began plating our food. I never in my life thought I’d have to clean up a very literal pool of dog seed before I had a Thanksgiving meal. It took like 5 paper towels to soak it up.

Einstein, toxic turdeys and puddle ol’ dog sperm. What more could you ask for in a blog?

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“a wife is a bottle of wine…”

My woman, uncorked and breathing before I take her in…

“a wife is a bottle of wine”

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What We Can Learn From This Piece of Clay (and the mind of a child)

My son created a little man figure made of  red “molding clay” and put him in a difficult situation. As you can see, he put a smile on the little figures face.  I love the way my son thinks. He’s always positive even when he doesn’t try to be.

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we’re only as blind as we choose to be

passivity [pəsiv′itē]

Etymology: L, passivus

“a maladaptive mental state of submission, dependence, or inactivity.”

Speaking from the mindset of a passive-aggresive individual, (me), who is compelled to change/evolve in every aspect of their life of what limits them from being completely whole, sustained and transcending-I am currently understanding ,and still gravite toward the meaning of the distructive act of passivity.

There are many distructive behaviors which limit us all, but passivity tends to be the one that cheats us of what we are capable of and robs us of having something to stand for and believe in. Passivity is not doing something when something needs to be done. There are examples all around us we just have to learn the behavior.

Example: Today everyone can relate (without trying to break the golden rule of never talking about politics or religion, which I’m about to demolish) to the recent decision in North Carolina to prohibit gays to marry by amending their constitution, as they did over a century ago with interracial marriages. I see the Democrats as being passive-aggressive toward gay rights issues. It’s a perfect example of what passive-aggressive is. Case in point, Obama has changed his mind many times concerning his views of gay marriage since 1996 (that’s documented) and has basically stood on the side lines while we hold to heart his promises. But with the recent North Carolina anti-gay/anti-gay marriage bill passing; Obama, whether from a stroke of conscious or political strategy, said he’s okay with gays getting married but still it’s the right of the states to decide what they consider just and godly. Why then does he aggressively go after states pushing their own immigration reform and not states discriminating toward Gay-American’s if he believes it to be wrong?  Just curious.

Maybe it’s just politics that’s passive-aggressive in general. Maybe it’s just not easy being the president of the semi-free world, but it’s a good example (IMPO) to help you relate the word to it’s meaning.

Why are we humans become so passive?

Most people just don’t want to rock the boat. Fear leads this. Dependency leads this and lack of self-confidence feeds it. All these are valid emotions taking into account the obstacles that create them, but at some point we can’t let them direct us onto a path that isn’t meant for us or the people we may influence. It all can steam from how we were taught by example as children; what were taught to endear as children or young adults that left us mute to our own voices. Some of us have had experiences as adults that left us inaudible and lost to who we are, but there’s many moments of opportunity of realization to seize which deliveres us our voice on high; a divorce of our silence and a reunion to our abandoned connection to our spirit. We can grab these chances if we are ready for them!

Outside influences are always a factor, but at some point we need to realize those influences do not live in our skin and don’t have to live with us internally. We are the ones living within ourselves day in and and day out and we are the only ones we have to answer to in the end. I think that’s what God, or that greater spiritual mass of energy will expect of us in all of our ends; to be okay with who we were; to be patient, tolerant, open, kind, loving, fearless, forgiving, excepting, encouraging, and free to think, love, and just be what we are.

The choice has always been up to us; one not made from a foundation of fear and inactivity but with a brave compassion for ourselves and others.